The fact that NCAA football coaches are the highest paid state employee in most states is absurd, but that’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the ridiculousness of their contracts. In addition to a lot of guaranteed money, personal cars, and free tickets, there are also some odd provisions schools and coaches have written into the contracts. Here are some that really stood out to us at HKM Employment Attorneys.
Brad Lambert – University of North Carolina at Charlotte
Perk: Reimbursement of tax preparation services?
- Brad Lambert always told himself that someday when he was a big time college football coach he would never have to call his dad to help him do his taxes again.
- How about instead of $2,000,000 annually we pay you $1,500,000 and we’ll have somebody do you taxes? Deal!
- Unless he needs an off-shore tax haven, making you employer pick up the $300 charge at H&R Block is rather odd.
Brock Spack – Illinois State
Perk: Membership at Crestwicke County Club
- Just when you think nobody’s going to come up a plot for Caddyshack 3…
- If hanging out with these people isn’t a perk, it’s hard to imagine what is?
- And by God he’ll wear white after labor day and there’s nothing they can do about it.
- This is a much better way for him to socialize. Coach Spack had asked to attend one sorority party per week and that was sure to become a problem.
- After a tough loss Coach Spack likes to head down to the club and binge eats those little cucumber sandwiches.
Christopher Jans – Bowling Green State
Perk: $5,000/year to buy clothes from sponsor.
- Bowling Green State was basically paying Coach Jans to NOT wear those super short coach shorts.
- Maybe he originally he asked to be dressed in robes made from the finest linens and silks, but they settled on a pretty solid compromise.
Dana Holgorsen – West Virginia
Perk: 63 tickets to football games
- Sucks to be Dan’s 64th closest friend or family member.
- Each week Dan’s friends and family members anxiously await whether they’ve been placed on the 63-man active game ticket roster.
- This probably looks like a perk, but perhaps this is how WVU tries to fill up the stadium Sure, Dan. You can be our coach, but you need to find 100 friends to fill up the end zone bleacher. How about 50? 63. Deal.
Dave Doeren – North Carolina State
Perk: 1 meal per day
- When Dave’s wife finds out the leftovers she packed him for lunch are ending up in the garbage she’s going to be pissed.
- The worst part is he makes his assistants watch him devour those lobster tails while they eat their cafeteria-sourced bologna sandwiches.
- Hey, if the players get to have all that free dorm food then Coach is going to get his, too.
- Whenever someone says “There’s no such thing as a free lunch,” Coach Dan laughs maniacally.
- The fun thing is Coach Doeren never knows when the pizza will be delivered so it’s always a fun surprise.
- The initial request to have three meals per day at Chucky Cheese was denied, but he does get a free lunch. He should have held out for at least a birthday at Chucky Cheese hosted by the University President.
Jerry Kill – University of Minnesota
60 hours of a private jet
- Apparently, the recruiting pickings are slim in Minnesota.
- You expect him to drive through Wisconsin to get to Michigan? What is he, some kind of peasant?
- If you’ve never seen an aerial view of Minnesota in winter then you have no idea what the interior of Greenland looks like.
Mark D’Antonio – Michigan State
Perk: 84 total tickets to each game
- That’s a lot of social pressure for Mark to come up with that many friends.
- The proposed reality TV show where 100 of D’Antonio’s friends and family compete at board games to win their game tickets was thankfully cancelled.
- You don’t think he’s scalping those tickets, do you?
Robert Ambrose – Towson State
Perk: 8 tickets to gymnastics events
- No more posing as a stadium vendor to sneak into gymnastics events for Coach Ambrose.
- Wait, how much are gymnastics events tickets?
- Is this how Towson State will develop its trick play where the blitzing free safety does a series of back flips and launches herself over the line of schrimage to sack the quarterback?
Bill Snyder – Kansas State
Perk: Reimbursement for executive physical examination at Mayo Clinic
- Ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough to coach college football.